Slippery little suckers......

Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap
I'd go slidey, slidey, slidey over every-body's hidey
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap.

I loved that song as a girl scout.  It had a great little rhythm and it was good clean fun....haaaa, get it..clean..WOW!  

I like to talk to my kids.  They are funny, intelligent and nice to be around.  They tell me about their views on life.  How they are feeling and what they dream about.  I let them ramble...on and on.


 I have to admit.  Sometimes I dont care for the topic or what their views are on somethings.  But I listen.  I think sometimes they need to hear their own voices saying somethings out loud.  To really hear what they are thinking.  There is sooooo much more to think about today as a teenager.  

The World is smaller.  Social media brings things into their lives that we never had to deal with.  It is normal and healthy for teens to question.  They need to. 

 It is one thing for us as parents to tell them how it is and it is completely different when they experience it for themselves.  It is insanely hard to not jump in and steer them clear of pain or heartache.  But what would that teach them?  What tools would I be giving them if I always gave them the answers or prevented an outcome?  How will they learn?

This is where the slippery part comes in.  I equate raising teenagers like holding onto a bar of soap.

The harder you squeeze the faster they are going to slip right out of your hands.  Choose your battles.  Keep your heart and your head level...open.  It is too easy to squeeze them......to try and control what they feel ......and it hurts.  It hurts us as parents when our kids turn on ideals and traditions that we as parents have held.  It doesn't feel good to let them find their own way.  Its scary as hell.....

We love our kids so much that holding onto them tightly seems like what we are suppose to do.  That pushing them into the way we do things makes sense because we've already done it.  We know what works.  Its logical.  We don't want to see them make mistakes.   Mistakes.....hummmm?  Perhaps the best way to look at that is as opportunities. Opportunities to teach.  Opportunities to show by example what being a Christian looks like.   Opportunities to see that not everything is done the right way but simply "a" way.   That our kids can teach us too.

There are too many broken hearted teens that dont feel heard.  They dont feel understood, like an alien in their own homes.  The emotions that are running through our kids are valid and real.  When they say they are in love.  ITS LOVE!  When they say I am sad.  LISTEN!  When they cry...HOLD THEM!  Get into their beds and cradle those 160lb 6'2" teens......they need us....now more then ever because soon they will be slipping right out of your hands.

Back.....

I could go on about the fact that it has been FOREVER since I have blogged.


I have missed it.  I missed the cataloging of what my people are doing and how I feel about things.
I missed the therapy of writting my thoughts down.  The idea that what I am sharing just might be helping someone, entertaining them, lifting them up or perhaps filling a void of somekind.

So...lament I will not...... NOPE I will just jump into where I am at and not look back.

Georgia!!

We moved!

Hubby has taken a great new opportunity and we jumped on it.
Am I sad that I left Virginia??
Hummmmmmmmm? NOPE!  Not one second of it.  I did not like Virginia!  There it is out there.
My sisters know it.  They had to deal with me through it.  I was not all that nice to be around in The Old Dominion.  MUAHHHHHHH!


Virginia was however an incredible proving ground for me.  You know what I mean by "proving ground"?  The place where things are tested....fortified...get the kinks worked out.  That was Virginia.

I HAD to learn to be happy and to find JOY!  Not the fake kind.  I am talking about the James kind of JOY.  The "Call it all Joy!' kind of thinking.  When you are in a place you dont like you can and do make yourself and everyone else around you miserable.  I did this.   I shut down.  I lived in Phillipians. I was the pitty pitty me girl.  An.....I got called out.  My sisters called me out.  My friends that I had met were and are incredible.  They listened to me and told me I was angry.  They showed up when I wouldnt answer the phone.  They were persistent.  I love them for it!   I had to look deep....very deep into what I was doing by CHOOSING to be miserable.  Because thats what it was...a CHOICE!
Mine  ....   all mine.... to choose.... to decide... to smile.... to laugh..... to be joyfull.  To fake it until I could make it.  To trust!   YES... to trust that God had me. ......God was using me in Virginia.  God was giving me the choice.  I have to admit I choose very poorly at first.  Eventually I did come around.  Not enought to say I would move back, but around enough to enbrace the people around me.
oxxoxoxox

.............................never look back.

How will they know?

  This weekend Aaron and I were sitting in the car after a family trip for icecream.  The kids had all gone into the house and we just sat for a few minutes.  We do this when we need the cone of silence.  It sometimes makes the kids nervous because they know we are "talkin".  Many a huge decisions have been made in the cone of silence.

I asked Aaron how we knew how to be parents?  A profound question.  When growing up no one
talked about when you get married and have kids you are going to need to know how to be patient and you are going to need to be totally selfless.  There was a lot of expectations to go to college and make money but never to be a good parent.  Maybe it was assumed.  I was not raised on the Bible.  We were church going but I did not have a personal relationship with God.   So the question..."How will your kids know how to be parents?"

I am tossing this out there.  I don't have an answer.  It is concerning and scary to me that we dont talk about it openly with our kids.  Our culture does nothing to address being a good parent.  There is lots and lots of talk about not getting "into trouble" and becoming a parent too soon.  But there is nothing that shows or teaches the gift of parenting.

Some folks say that Aaron and I are too hard on our kids.  Our four have lots of chores and they do not have a lot of outside the house activities..ie sports and such.  They do a lot at home and with each other.
They are expected to watch the younger ones when needed and they are expected to do it well.  Maybe this is like on the job training for when they are parents.

I wonder.....what celebrity would make an impact on young people.  What person would be a good spokes person for parenting?  What would they say?  What would you say?

Hummm??