Mama Bear…..I don't care who you are..even a cub.

The moment you find out you are expecting you feel fiercely protective over your unborn child.  You eat right, exercise get rest and avoid all the things that might harm your unborn child.  This feeling does not wavier with each pregnancy.  My four precious people are all very different.  I am just as fierce about each one of them…..

But what happens when its a fellow cub that is causing the pain.  What happens when fists fly and the fun wrestling takes on a new flavor of determination to harm,control.
Our den is a calm peaceful one.  Yelling is not something we do.  It is Summer so there is less scheduled time and more of a chance to get under one anothers' skin or to play leisurely board games….in my mind, that is.

But I digress……

My teen boys enjoy gaming and they share….most of the time.  However, on this rainy evening I got a note under my office door.  It said "The boys are attacking each other and it doesn't look good." Grace.
(imperative to have a spy at all times…reward them well…)

Once I came upon the scene the damage had been done.  One cub was out walking in his garden talking to his tomato  plants and the other was tearing at the computer but not wanting me to see.
It was over a girl….a virtual one but a girl on a server none the less.  Tempers flared and big cub took the small younger one to the floor with a arm hold and made sure he understood who was in charge.
After talking to each and getting the full story we all ate dinner…..I believe it is import to clear my head before I launch into a "coaching moment".

Moon Bear and I lightening the mood before we excused the girls from the table so we could talk with the boys.
After letting each of them explain the situation and each one getting their chance to be heard.  They were both punished for not walking away and calming down or coming to get adult help.
And then….I got angry.

I had no idea how impactful this next few moments were going to be, but parents!! use this!!  It was amazing!

"If you ever lay a hand on my kid again. " "I promise you that you will feel the same pain and humiliation."  "He is mine! and you will never do that again." 

The look on both of their faces.  One was fear…the other…pure love.
They both learned something.
Blessings.

Take Aim...Girls and guns.

I like guns.

My close friends and family know it.  I enjoy the sport.  I always have. But I just didn't want to blog about it.  Maybe it is the heated debates that I wanted to ignore.  Maybe I just wanted to keep this one to myself.  But I cant.......I enjoy it sooooo much.

That's what changed my mind.

When I was little, very little like 40 pounds soaking wet and 8 years old.  I was afraid of everything.   I was terrified of my own shadow.  Didn't want to go to school...didn't want to meet new people...just so scared.

I tried to join sports but was so little I would get sidelined.  I met some friends in softball and volleyball but I never really played.  I wasn't good at it.   I so badly wanted to be good at something.

Having two big brothers and a competitive dad, I always felt small.  Like I couldn't measure up.  I use to tag along with my brothers to their sports and watch them play basketball and football.  

One day I went with them to BB Gun.

It was Michigan in the winter so it was dark early.  The Trenton Sharp Shooters met in my elementary school gym and that was exciting to me...it was my school after all and I was proud of that.

The gym was full of boys.  It was 1976...shooting was not a popular sport for little girls.  

One of the dads was the Range Officer and he was loud!

My brothers lined up for instruction and I took my usual seat on the sidelines.

I was so fascinated by the instruction.  It was very organized and everyone was quiet.  Everyone shot from different position.  Some kids were kneeling, some sitting some laying down.  WOW! what was this!

I kept going with my brothers every Thursday night.  Mr and Mrs Cooper were the Range Officers.  Mr Cooper would advance each shooter after testing and keep everyone safe and Mrs Cooper would score the targets.  I started helping her score the targets and became really good at it.  One day Mrs Cooper went up to the line and started shooting....what was this....maddness!  A mom was shooting!!!  She came back to our table and I was  still amazed.  She must have noticed because the next week she brought me a gun.

I was the only girl on the Trenton Sharp Shooters Team and I cleaned up!  

The fact that it didnt matter with shooting how strong you were or how fast you could run or how far you could throw. It was a level playing field and I loved it!

My brothers on the other hand...not so much.  As my medals and ribbons started adding up they started to like shooting less.  I kept at it and advanced from sitting to kneeling to prone to standing and very quickly....it was awesome...better yet...I was not as scared.

Soooo.....a very shy timid scared little girl was able to get a hefty dose of confidence from shooting.

That sums it up....with all the controversial issues surrounding guns.  I have never heard anyone talk about this angle...the sport that takes away the physical and allows people to compete in shooting right next to each other..man , woman, any age....any size.

My history with shooting has advanced ...alot!   Once married my hubby and I bought a simple revolver.  We enjoyed going shooting together.  It was a cheap hobby and we both enjoyed competing with each other.

Once we had kids the shooting all but stopped....too expensive and we wondered about gun safety.

The guns we had stayed locked up of course ... I did not bring them out around the kids.

Once the kids got older we started introducing them to the sport.  It is now a family hobby.

We love going to Michigan and hanging out with the family on the farm.  All the cousins line up and take turns......I LOVE watching the girls fire off a few rounds on the AR.

They all get so excited....so do I.

Soooo...there you have it...I have opened that door and I am stepping through...I am so excited to share the knowledge I have gained through the years and the perspectives I have on ownership.

Lock and Load Ladies!!

Change is in the air.....

Fall is a favorite time of year for me.  The sun looks different..less intense and the colors are calming ..like things are getting ready to slow down.

Everything has a glow about it.

The kitchen is full of warm smells.  Everything seems to be getting closer, snuggly, more relaxed.

  I kiss my kids more...random hugs.  I dare say that I even linger while folding clothes...to see how much they have grown and neatly tuck their t-shirts in their drawers.  Marveling that each one of them is a gift.  ....and then I trip over the  lego box...but the moment is still precious.


This move has been an awesome gift to me.  Some moves like the last are proving grounds..we already talked about that one... but this one has landed me  in an inspired space.  My love for decorating and junking has been renewed. 


This house has a unique floor plan.  The master is on the main and I have never had that before.  It has been a challenge and I have pulled all my color mastery to determine how I wanted this new space to feel.

I am working on a color palette.  I want this house to feel like a French Cottage, relaxed and elegant.

I have had some help....and I can not wait to share with you.....

Slippery little suckers......

Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap
I'd go slidey, slidey, slidey over every-body's hidey
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap.

I loved that song as a girl scout.  It had a great little rhythm and it was good clean fun....haaaa, get it..clean..WOW!  

I like to talk to my kids.  They are funny, intelligent and nice to be around.  They tell me about their views on life.  How they are feeling and what they dream about.  I let them ramble...on and on.


 I have to admit.  Sometimes I dont care for the topic or what their views are on somethings.  But I listen.  I think sometimes they need to hear their own voices saying somethings out loud.  To really hear what they are thinking.  There is sooooo much more to think about today as a teenager.  

The World is smaller.  Social media brings things into their lives that we never had to deal with.  It is normal and healthy for teens to question.  They need to. 

 It is one thing for us as parents to tell them how it is and it is completely different when they experience it for themselves.  It is insanely hard to not jump in and steer them clear of pain or heartache.  But what would that teach them?  What tools would I be giving them if I always gave them the answers or prevented an outcome?  How will they learn?

This is where the slippery part comes in.  I equate raising teenagers like holding onto a bar of soap.

The harder you squeeze the faster they are going to slip right out of your hands.  Choose your battles.  Keep your heart and your head level...open.  It is too easy to squeeze them......to try and control what they feel ......and it hurts.  It hurts us as parents when our kids turn on ideals and traditions that we as parents have held.  It doesn't feel good to let them find their own way.  Its scary as hell.....

We love our kids so much that holding onto them tightly seems like what we are suppose to do.  That pushing them into the way we do things makes sense because we've already done it.  We know what works.  Its logical.  We don't want to see them make mistakes.   Mistakes.....hummmm?  Perhaps the best way to look at that is as opportunities. Opportunities to teach.  Opportunities to show by example what being a Christian looks like.   Opportunities to see that not everything is done the right way but simply "a" way.   That our kids can teach us too.

There are too many broken hearted teens that dont feel heard.  They dont feel understood, like an alien in their own homes.  The emotions that are running through our kids are valid and real.  When they say they are in love.  ITS LOVE!  When they say I am sad.  LISTEN!  When they cry...HOLD THEM!  Get into their beds and cradle those 160lb 6'2" teens......they need us....now more then ever because soon they will be slipping right out of your hands.

Freedom...

There is a great deal to be said of this last election. 

 But whether your guy won or lost doesn't matter for the purpose of this post. 

 What matters is the process that we took part in.  

The process of choosing. 

 On the days, weeks..leading up to the election we all had the right to choose how to show our support for our values and beliefs.

  Some choose to toss their opponent under the bus...but that too is another post.

  

We had the opportunity to exercise the muscles of democracy. 

 We all had the freedom to think for ourselves and act accordingly.

  

 Simple.....freedom.

But we know that freedom came at a great cost.

We took the family to Washington DC over Thanksgiving weekend.

We walked the National Mall and took in all the sights.

This never gets old to me. 

 I remember going to DC as a child and The Lincoln Memorial steps , though an easier climb still leave me breathless. 
 I hope one day when I am very old they still take my breath away.

My kids are older now and much much wiser.  They know how to connect the dots.

  My William is 13 and the memorials hit him hard.  
He cried openly as he experienced the WWII memorial.

My hubby is fiercely God and Country and he too was overwhelmed by the sacrifices.

It was an extraordinary family trip.  One that left me with the question on freedom....

The fact that many people on our planet do not have freedoms that we take for granted.  

The freedom to think and act as we wish.  The freedom to open our minds and our hearts...

My father in love..(law), but I adore him..so love is more fitting...sent this to me and it was heavenly timing....

“The freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the “rat race” — the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.” commencement speech by David Foster Wallace given in 2005 (complete read is about 15-minutes – it’s one of the most inspiring things I’ve ever read). In it he said…

Did you get all that????

Holy Cow!!!

At times being a mom..a parent seems like "Groundhog day,". The endless discipline.  The hearing your voice repeat the same stuff over and over.  The tasks that are the same and never ending......this isn't sexy...this is important...this takes great effort...this is self sacrifice...and we choose to do it every single day...without pay...without rest..because we choose to.

I know this is a twist on freedom....

But it makes so much sense to me.


 
God has given each of us the opportunity to choose.  We are innately free to do His will.  To serve others and to care for other people in our own lives in our own homes.

Who invited YOU!!!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. 

Proverbs 3: 5-8

Doubt...negative self talk..insecurities...fear...anxiety.....

 You are not and have never been invited to the party.

 I have four amazing children.  They are each very very different.  I have to say I am a hard mom.  I do not give my kids a lot of slack and I do not ask twice...ever.  (remind me to tell you about airsoft guns)

We home schooled the kids until we moved here to Virginia.  I loved it.  They loved it.  We had so much fun exploring and learning and growing in our faith.

But, when we moved there was a lot going on and we decided to try out public school.  This is when the D word comes in. (doubt) Being in a principals office with your four kids and saying...HI The Bates kids are here.....and getting the stares and murmurs about home schooling and not having the "right testing".  I left that day in tears.

"How could I be doing this?"  "How could I be sending my kids to school?"  "What am I thinking?"
What a mess.  But I knew we had to give this a try.  I knew that I had educated my children.  They were each behaved, well spoken, respectful kids.  They each understood exactly what was expected of them and they most importantly are fun kids.  Really cool kids.


This post could go on and on.  There is so much joy and heart ache in making such a huge transition.

 But today we are talking about the D word.  That overwhelming toss you to the curb doubt that I felt as I stood in that administrators office.  It was heavy it was dark and it was evil.





























It wanted to steal everything we as a family stood for.  It want to take my Faith.  It wanted to shake the bananas out of my foundation.  It wanted to hurt me and it wanted me to give up.

So ya know what we did .

We showed up.

I stayed on the administration.  I went higher when I had to.  I brought Moon Bear with me...my hubby to every meeting.  We stood together on our foundation of God, and family and we never wavered.

I was not a popular girl.  I was talked about.  I was ..I am sure very interesting conversation for awhile.

I was and still am an expert on my children's education and I made demands.

My kids did not understand the system.  There was a learning curve and after a couple of weeks they were getting the hang of it.  They had to take very remedial test and work their way up to where the classes were.  This took time but I knew my kids.

After the first year three were moved to honors and my guy that was LD (the schools like to put kids who have aspergers in LD) he was moved to honors as well.  From LD to honors.


THATS WHAT I AM TALKIN ABOUT!!!  

Sooooo.....whenever the D word knocks..remember..it wasn't invited to the PARTY!!!